Dad Revisited

I’m going to Hell. If there is such a place (and my Faith says there is) then someone like me must certainly be headed there. I’m not being a doomsayer. I’ve reviewed the book that is my life and found that on the whole found it wanting.

There are plenty of reasons for my thinking. I have lied. I have cheated. I have stolen. I have coveted. I have sliced off the 2nd tee at the Executive Course. I have womanized. I have cursed. I have taken God’s name in vain so often I can’t believe my children don’t think that’s the proper way to invoke it.

If you plotted my sinful life on a line graph, you would say that I am improving.  I’m sure I’m closer to Heaven now then I was 2, 5, or ten years ago. I still have a ways to go. I often joke about where I’m ending up, although I’m not sure if being a realist (or a pessimist) moves me closer to Heaven or Hell. Hopefully it’s just considered a “status update” and has no impact either way.

My wife assures me I’m a better man than I believe. That may be true, but from my perspective I sometimes find it hard to believe. She speaks often of the women she knows, the men in their lives, and how much better I am than THOSE guys. That may be so (and if it is, guys, really?) but I don’t think it is a ranking, and the guys closer to the top get in. I think it’s more of a yardstick system, and if you are not the proverbial 42″ of good then you don’t get to ride the Freedom Train.

So what brought this on? I was thinking of it while in church and taking a moment for my mea culpa. If I need to write them down to remember them, it’s probably too many, right?