Dad Revisited

Grounding is defined as the restriction of a child’s freedom of movement for a specified amount of time or until the child meets a certain condition (or conditions). We are newly in the position of having to consider really using grounding as a method of discipline. We have seen positive results, but often wonder how effective it truly is at changing behavior. Is there really a change taking place, or are we merely witnessing an Oscar-worthy performance as the sanctions are lifted?

Below are some interesting thoughts and ideas that come from Dr. Kenneth Kaye’s book entitled Family Rules, © 2005, published by iUniverse Incorporated. The summary is from The University of Louisville website.

Kaye asserts that grounding should be used as a logical consequence for children’s problem behaviors and should be used for one or more of these reasons:

• To show children that they’re not using their freedom responsibly.
• To provide extra supervision so that they have the opportunity to show improvement with their problem behavior. Example: Parent stays home with teenager on week nights until she brings her math grade up to passing or better.
• To help children realize that they’re engaging in certain behaviors that their parents deem are incompatible with being a part of the family.
• To separate children from particular friends and/or a certain event that Mom and Dad disapprove of.

There are some things to keep in mind when assigning grounding as a sanction:

• Grounding must be done in small increments of time—minutes, hours, or days. Then, if children defy the grounding, it is increased in small amounts as well.The author explains that if the original amount of grounding time is large (ie, weeks or months), parents risk escalating their child’s defiance rather quickly.

EXAMPLE: Talking on the phone instead of doing homework.
Normal Consequence: Cell phone taken away for one day and evening.
First Escalation: Cell taken away for one additional day/night.
Second Escalation: Three days.
Third Escalation: Four days.

• Make sure the situation/activity the child is being grounded from is something he really sees as punishment. If he doesn’t seem to care whether or not he goes to his grandfather’s birthday party, ground him on another day when he’ll miss going out with his friends.
• Be prepared to alter your routine in order to enforce the grounding. This may mean making small sacrifices and inconveniencing one or more members of your family. Dr. Kaye reminds us that making small sacrifices now will reap benefits in the future for you and your child. So, if grounding your daughter means that one parent stays home with her and misses the family’s Friday pizza night, so be it.
• Be ready to take extra steps to enforce the grounding if need be. The author of advises parents that if your son leaves the house and goes to the party anyway, go and get him. This action lets him know that you mean business. Kaye says not to worry about embarrassing your son, since his friends probably already know that he’s supposed to be grounded anyway.

As a final note, Dr. Kaye cautions parents that there are a few instances when grounding is not appropriate. These times are:

• When your child enjoys spending time alone in her room. Here, restricting her to her room will serve to reward her instead of punishing her.Try taking a privilege away instead, or require her to spend some time outside her room like outdoors.
• If your child has a history of violent behavior and/or has been physically abusive toward you parents.

I hate grounding my children. I don’t like removing them from activities they enjoy. I especially do not enjoy having to sit around with them while they are in a terrible mood. However, there is little denying that it appears to work. Even if they do not welcome the change they have to make, they will almost certainly make it IF they know you will stick to your guns and keep them from the party, so to speak.

Do you ground your kids? What events (or privileges) do they sacrifice?