Dad Revisited

I’m told I have a hearing problem. Either that or an earring bra bum. It’s hard to tell. But to quote Inigo Montoya, “I do not think that means what you think it means.”

I do have trouble with my hearing. Years of sitting in front of the trumpets in Band, coaching and playing drums in Marching Band, and a childhood punctured eardrum have taken their toll on my hearing. That’s not the true issue.

When I don’t hear you, I politely request a repetition. It’s when I think I know what you said that creates a problem. My wife is the most frequent victim of this problem.

“Do the dishes” says she. I respond “OK.” But I know the fishes died years ago. Why should I feed dead fish? She must have forgotten, so I ignore it. “Clean the bathroom” she says. “Yes” I agree. I see the math room. It’s also the science room and the English room. The kids do all their homework there.

What I find strange is how things get stuck in your ears. Yes, that kindergarten jelly bean debacle is one example, but there are other things that get stuck. Requests appear to be larger than other statements and get wedged in there for a while. They are only dislodged when the person who made the request reiterated the request. Apparently the combined force of the request doubled pushes it through. I’m no scientist, but I’m sure there is research on that. The largest phrase of all appears to be “pick up milk.” That phrase never seems to gets through.

I’m often amazed at how things get turned around before they get to the brain. I can’t figure out how “no, we can’t afford that” turns into “make sure they throw in the extended warranty.” I haven’t figured that out no matter how I try.

Unfortunately it appears to be genetic. My children have the same issue. “Be home by eleven” becomes “hope your date is heaven.” “Clean your room” becomes “see you soon.” “Do your homework” turns to “I’m a big jerk.” (I assume that’s what it sounds like. Their reaction when I say it appears to confirm that fact.)

It’s contagious too! Entire discussions I’ve had with my wife seem to disappear in her ear canal. I need not imagine how frustrated others must be when I am so afflicted as I feel it myself as I exclaim “we TALKED about this. You were there! How can you not remember?” Or so I think. It’s possible that was an old discussion dislodged by a gallon of milk.

Well, I need to go now. I have to make a bid on a pool. I don’t know why she wants me to do that now! The kids have to get to school!

Tags: marriage, Marriage and Family