Dad Revisited

Why do kids lie? In my experience, kids lie for a variety of reasons. The most popular reasons are to avoid getting in trouble with adult authority figures or to make themselves sound better than they truly are. What I find especially intriguing is the flimsy lies that children think we’ll accept. You can catch a child in the same lie time and time again, and they will still concoct the same lie in order to avoid your ire.

These days, I have little confidence in what my kids tell me. They lie. No details here, but trust me, they do. Most of the time it’s to avoid what they are sure will be my ire. They think I’ll be mad about a bad grade. They’re sure I’ll yell because they didn’t take their medication. Again.

I do get mad. I yell. I get on them about what they do. For example, I’ll get a report from my child about a spectacular performance on a test. I’ll ask about the other test they were studying for. That test, they explain, has yet to be returned to them. They got a good grade. They’ll even tell me the grade. Inevitably I’ll get an email from the teacher, or I’ll contact the teacher to follow up on this mystery test. The test was returned the day previous, he says. Your child did very poorly, he says. Additionally, your child is behind in homework, which is hurting the overall grade.

Dad: “Why didn’t you tell me about the test?”
Child: “I thought you would be mad.”
Dad: “When you’ve brought me poor test grades before, did I get mad, or did I offer to help you study?”
Child: “You helped me study.”
Dad: “Where is the test?”
Child: “I don’t know.”
Dad: “You threw it away, didn’t you?”
Child: “I lost it.”
Dad: “Uh huh. So how can I help you study, when you don’t have the test?”

If I had a nickel (or a copy of a failed test) for every time I’ve had this conversation, I’d be rich. OK, I’d be happy. Happier. Should I expect it? I guess not. It’s a fact of life. Kids need to find out what they can do, what they can’t do, and where to draw the line. They need to accept responsibility for their actions, which is a very mature attitude. Most adults have trouble with this. I know it’s never been easy for me. I have to work at it every day.

I wonder how my mother kept her sanity, because as I see my children acting in this way, I recall that I was much the same. I must have frayed her nerves in a terrible way. God grant us all serenity, for we need it.