I did not, nor have I ever watched, “The Bachelor.” If you know me, I’m not a big fan of reality television in general. Sure, I dig “The Deadliest Catch” and I like a good home decorating show, but the ‘glorify the worst in people’ type of reality is too much for me. I would prefer to see the best of folks. That said, I was fascinated by the headline Turning To Tears: Should Men Cry? and the leading paragraphs:
Jason Mesnick is likely the weepiest bachelor ever. He sloshed through the final episode, tearing up at least a dozen times, raising the question: When is it OK for men to cry? Mesnick’s crying has endeared him to some viewers but painted him as a target of insult for others. “I thought it was sweet to see a guy cry for a change and any girl would be lucky to have him,” one “Good Morning America” viewer commented at ABCNews.com. “I like a sensitive guy as much as the next woman, but unless someone just died or you have just cut off one of your limbs, cut out the waterworks,” another wrote.
There are differing opinions about crying. When we grow up as kids, we are convinced that we should not cry. If you cry, you show weakness. People will take advantage of you. You’ll get picked on. No one will be your friend. Girls want tough guys, not babies. You’re a wimp. You’re a chick. You’re gay.
I would have thought, as adults, we’d be over that discussion. Turns out that we’re not past it yet. Many folks still think men crying is weak, wimpy, bad. I find it hard to believe that adults would still cling to these stereotypes, but then I find it hard to believe that people would be against gay marriage, gun control, and birth control.
I’m not the best person to judge on this topic, because I’m biased. Disclaimer: I cry. A lot. At stuff you might find weird. Here’s just a short list- I’ve cried:
- at movies like Last Chance Harvey, Chocolat, or Our Friend Martin;
- at TV shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and The Closer
- when Mimi died in La Boheme;
- when my grandfather passed away;
- when a former student took his own life;
- when my children were born;
- when the children sang or played in concerts;
- when my classes sang well in concerts;
- when my children did something outstanding, like take care of their Dad when he gets a concussion;
- when my wife told me she was proud of me.
Sure, some of these things might seem frivolous and silly. Why should I cry over something inane like a television show? Sure, the death of a relative is a significant event, but someone getting a new house on TV has nothing to do with me. What’s the big deal?
One thing is certain: crying is an indicator of who you are and how you relate to others. If you can put yourself in someone elses shoes, it is the beginning of an understanding and a relationship. If you can empathize with them, you have built a bridge. You can walk a mile in their shoes and understand who they are at their core. Being able to cry does not make you a wimp. Being able to cry makes you a special man. Being able to cry makes you a caring, loving person.
It would be easy for us “criers” to demean or deride the “non-criers” as tough guys. Meatheads. Macho slobs. Non-criers must be misogynist, chauvinist pigs who do not value women or care about their children. “Non-criers” are must be unemotional douches. I know that’s not true. Not being able to cry does not make you less empathetic. You can still be caring and loving without the tears. You’re not a douche if you don’t cry.
However, you ARE a douche if you dump your new fiance on television though. That much I know.
