Dad Revisited

Father, Son Holy Spirit by Raymond Brown

My son received the sacrament of Confirmation recently. It was an interesting time for all of us in the family. My son had to write each week a thoughtful, reflective essay. As parents, we had to write thoughtful, reflective responses. My daughter was asked to be a part of the ceremony by assisting as an Altar Minister for the Bishop who would preside over the Mass.

During the process, close to the end, my son began to doubt whether he was ready for this sacrament. As a parent, I was hoping for just such a moment, but I was not around when it came. Luckily for all, my wife was there to manage the situation. When my son decided he may not be ready, my wife asked him one question:

“Do you pray?”

He said he did. He prayed when I lost my job. He prayed when members of the family got sick. He prayed when he was afraid or struggling. My wife pointed out that we had not asked him to pray. For him, prayer had become a part of his life. As such, faith was a part of his life by his own choice. Faith and prayer had finally become free and easy for him.

When I was that age, I could not get away from the church quickly enough. I was ready to run the moment I finished that Confirmation ceremony, and my mother was happy to see the last of the church. She had little use for it (I will expound another time) and that feeling had obviously become a part of my ‘religious DNA.’ He has clearly has more use for the church than I did at his age.

This does not make him a complete religious nut. He will avoid weekly mass like any other teenager. He shrugs at the idea of participating in Youth Ministry because it’s not ‘cool.’ He curses like his friends, likes off-color humor, and has a healthy appreciation for the opposite gender. I also know that deep down inside there is a young man who has faith. A young man who will, when times get difficult, be able to find solace in the fact that there is a plan. He knows that, no matter what comes his way, there is a puzzle into which he fits, and that hardships and trials simply reshape his piece so he fits better.

My recent work history has been, as some might say, troubled.

• Two and a half years ago, I lost a job. A really good paying job. A fairly significant, life changing event for anyone.
• A little over one year ago, I lost another job. It paid less than the previous job (by about 20%) but we were making it on that money. It was a decent job. Not a great job, mind you. I thought it was going to be much better. It wasn’t.
• A little less than one year ago, I got another job. This job paid half of what the previous job paid. For the mathematicians in the crowd, this means I took an approximately 55% pay cut over two years. This pay cut hurt a lot.

The pay cut could have been the most painful part of the deal. The job I have now is a good one. I like what I do, and I do it pretty well. The people I work with have already laid out the long range plans they have for my career. The real problem, as they say in the real estate business, is “location, location, location.” I work 80 miles from home. I love to drive. I have a Prius, which means I can get great gas mileage. The 80 miles I have to travel takes me directly past New York City, along with a few million other people. What takes 90 minutes to drive in the early afternoon and later evening takes 2-3 hours to drive during rush hour.

I took an apartment closer to my job in order to avoid this traffic. By taking this apartment I made my life easier. Taking this apartment has complicated and compromised the lives of my family. I’ve gone from seeing my family every day to seeing them two and a half days a week. A few years ago I would have thought this would be fine. I would make it work. However, once I started living in the new apartment I discovered a few things I didn’t know about myself:

1. I missed being at home with the kids;
2. I wanted to be a more spiritual person;
3. I wasn’t doing the job I wanted to do as a father or a husband; and
4. I was afraid of missing out on the last few years my son has at home before college.

I started the Digital Father Blog and Podcast after I started reading ‘mommy blogs’ and listening to some ‘mommy podcasts’ (which were, in many ways, quite demeaning to men), but lately I’ve felt like neither are doing what I’d really like them to do. For the past few months, I’ve been considering what to do next. I think I’ve figured it out.

“Dad Revisited” is going to be different than “Digital Father.” A little more structure. A little more predictable. A little more writing, and maybe less about podcasting. Fans of “Digital Father” will still find plenty of me here, but they may hear it with a slightly different voice. I look forward to hearing from those who care what they think of the changes.